A Profound Moment

I know that as Jonah gets older he'll be able to articulate things about SPD that we just can't understand. We get little glimpses of it right now-- like when he told me last year that he didn't want to go to the basketball game because "that thing" (the buzzer) hurt his ears.

We discussed the anatomy of the ear yesterday in homeschool. At the beginning of the lesson we were supposed to be quiet for 30 seconds and just listen. I heard a fan in Lydia's room and her quietly read books. That's all. It was a quiet house. After about ten seconds of silence, Jonah said something like, "When my brain processes, it makes this [humming] sound."

"What do you mean?"

"When it's quiet I always hear this [humming] sound in my brain."

"What does it sound like? Like this [humming] or like this [I made a few other noises just to clarify]."

He made a monotone hum noise. That's the best way I know to describe it.

I got tears in my eyes.

"Do you hear this all the time when it's quiet?"

"Yes. Well, not all the time, but a lot of the time. It ANNOYS me."

"So is that why you make loud noises when you play?"

"Yes..."

and the conversation was over. He didn't want to talk about it anymore.

I was dumbfounded. All the research I've done has said nothing about this, but it makes a lot of sense to me. His OT has told me that his SPD gives him the feeling that he wants to crawl out of his own skin all the time. Yep. I'd say. If I heard a humming when I was quiet, I'd want to crawl out of my skin too!

I brought it up again at the dinner table. It was a nice family dinner. Jonah was in sync. I asked him to make the sound for Mike.

He paused and waited in silence. We all did too. He was waiting for it to appear in his head. After about six seconds, he hummed aloud, apparently joining in with the sound he could hear.

I'm fascinated.. and sad...and overwhelmed...and amazed...and so thankful.

Today I learned why being still is difficult for him.