As readers of this blog, you've seen some of my emotions dealing with Jonah. I'm discouraged so much of the time and I, if I had to be honest, have such a hard time realizing that this may not be "just a season."
Don't get me wrong, he's making such progress in some areas, but in other areas, life is no different than it was three years ago.
I have these conversations with God. I plead for direction. I plead for wisdom. I plead for progress. I cry, "Why me?"
I love when I find something that gives me a fresh outlook like this article:
c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.
birthday boyS! {40 and 8}
15 years ago
12 comments:
I absolutely LOVE your vulnerability. I too am grieving a loss of a dream. It is just a strong reminder that this earth is temporary and not our real "home." My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in your weakness. God is being glorified through your love and patience of Jonah! God does not waste our tears.
I heard this poem before at a MOPS meeting...think about reading it to your women in your group. If it resonates with you I'm sure it will also be powerful and encouraging to another woman.
We're with you in Holland.
Your love for your children is inspiring. You are a great Mom!
It was so good to see you. Short, but good. Hopefully next time we will have more time to talk. We miss you guys being only a walk away!
Wow! I love the comment that your mom made so perfect and true; it brings tears to my eyes!! I appreciate your vulnerability as well and stay encouraged- All of those people in Italy have no idea of what they are missing in Holland!
My dreams of "the way things were supposed to be" are different than the ones you had, but nevertheless, dreams that didn't turn out the way I had planned. My only consolation has been that God knows and He is faithful. Jonah is a wonderful little boy and I told Tricia after Davy's party that I see such growth in him. He was SUCH a good boy, even during a two year old's birthday party with all of the usual commotion. You can be proud of him! You and Mike are good parents!
i've had this in my journal since we found out finn's diagnosis...why i haven't shared it with you is beyond me...but i am thankful that you've found it and that we have this unexpected journey that we share together. and hey, i've heard that the flowers and shoes in holland are amazing!! love you.
Traci,
This is beautiful and I think it would be neat to hear it shared at MOPS. Thanks for letting us support you and Mike--and Lydia and Jonah!
Traci,
I don't have an updated email address for you. Can you email me? As soon as I read your latest post, I thought of a blog I read regularly. It's a fellow Taylor grad. Check it out...
http://familymctravels.blogspot.com/
We just got back from Disney...at Tuscany like you guys. We had a great time.
Mandy
Hi Honey,
I enjoyed my short visit with you two weeks ago. It was wonderful seeing you and Mike,Jonah and Lydia.
Honey, I think about you and Mike every day and pray that God will continue to bless you.
God knew what he was doing when he gave Jonah to you. You were meant to be his mother and father. He chose you. And He will not forget you.
So hang in there sweetie, and you will be rewarded far above any expectations you might have.
I love you,
Grandma.
What a wonderful perspective this story portrays, and I admire your own perseverance in the face of unrealized dreams. In my own life I am struggling to "let go" of hopes and plans I was aiming for. But in my own way, I like you, am learning to readjust my focus and embrace the other plans God may have for my today, and my tomorrow. This story was an encouragement to me in that, thanks for sharing it.
Well said!!
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