It's going to get better. I'm staying positive.
I'm amazed at how one of my kids can effect me emotionally--and physically.
But I'm trusting that things are going to get better. Many of you have asked for more specifics and knowing that most readers of this blog are my friends and family, I feel it's safe to go into some depth here.
We've wondered since Jonah was 2 years old how he was going to handle school. We've always known that he would love learning; we just wondered how he could physically sit in his desk for the duration of a school day. Most of you know that he can't sit for more than 5 minutes while eating dinner.
After the second day of school, I gave his teacher some basic information about sensory processing disorder. Open house was that night and she thanked me for the information, had already changed his seat in class, and had put velcro under his chair that he could rub when he needed some "input."
Two days later when I picked him up from his classroom for his OT appointment, his teacher asked my permission to talk to the class about Jonah while he was away. She felt like his classmates were beginning to have a "that's not fair" attitude. He talks during seat work, but they're not allowed. He talks in the hallways, but they need to be silent. He has tactile balls & putty that he plays with at his desk, but they don't. I agreed it would be best and told her that Lydia and I were already having conversations about the fact that Brother's brain was different.
But I got in the car after that conversation and was just sad. His teacher is working hard and handling things with Jonah very appropriately (and for that, I'm VERY thankful), but it's not a good feeling to know that your child is the one that needs to be explained to other kids--
I pray for my kids to love Jesus, but I also pray that they'll be well-adjusted, confident, individuals. That thing called self-esteem, in my eyes, is so valuable. I want to protect his esteem. I want him to be liked by his peers. I want the same dreams for him that I had myself.
But it's not about me, is it? So with my sadness comes this thankfulness for Jonah. I'm thankful that God gave him to us. I'm thankful for his joy. I'm thankful for his affection. I'm thankful for that endearing personality that so many of you can see. I'm thankful that He gave him to two people that have lots of energy, are emotionally pretty low-maintenance, and can laugh a lot with our son.
I've had numerous phone calls from his teacher. It's been difficult, and she's been working very hard.
It's going to be a journey, no doubt. He's been to the principal's office twice for behaviors that were inappropriate when he was clearly out of sync.
The principal called yesterday. We're planning a meeting that includes his OT so that the school can understand him and his "invisible handicap" better. Today, his teacher contacted me and would like to begin emailing me a daily report.
I tried to articulate to Mike the other morning why I'm so emotional about the situation. I'm tense...I'm uneasy...I'm tired...I'm consumed.
I decided that I should show his teacher a bit of my heart and sent this letter to her this afternoon. I thought it would be helpful for all of you to read too:
I think it's an appropriate time to explain a little bit about our emotions in dealing with Jonah. Literally, from the instant Jonah was born, we started a journey that we were unprepared to begin. From the 12 days he spent in the NICU when he was born until today, we have been working to find solutions that help him be all that he has the potential to be. And along with extra energy, love, efforts, and special accommodations we've needed to parent Jonah well, we've also had to deal with feeling judged from people that don't know our family, pressure to constantly explain him to others, and constant worry about how he's doing when we're not there to remove him from overstimulating circumstances.
So we're on this journey-- along with our extended family that supports us wholeheartedly and our close friends that are daily present to encourage us.
I need the school to know that so many of our emotions have accumulated since he was diagnosed when he was one year old; we find ourselves programmed to be defensive, and I apologize if it appears that way to you.
We're very sensitive about Jonah's behaviors and the effect this has on the classroom.
We understand this process is difficult, but it's refreshing for us to see that you are working hard with him. We're hopeful for a productive year where Jonah matures, finds ways to self regulate apart from us, doesn't disrupt everyone else in the process, and can occasionally make all of you smile too!
Thanks AGAIN for your efforts.
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Thanks for praying for us.
